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loony sex laws
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2001-03-31
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Excerpts from Robert Wayne Pelton's Loony Sex Laws that You Never Knew
You Were Breaking (Walker and Company):
In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to
shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.
It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during
sex.
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting
or fishing on your wedding day.
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic,
onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his
wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed
to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you- or
holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between
members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -
if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have
twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart
when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to
make love on the floor between the beds!
The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide
each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if
they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have
sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from
having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer!
A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called
master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset.
(There was a civil-service job- for men only- called a corset inspector.)
However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing
corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered
body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded
American male."
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police
officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any
suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up
from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two
minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a
table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two
ounces of clothing.
Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their
lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while
they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked
vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van
has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you
can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.
Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio -
a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"
No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within
the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged
with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local
newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.